Free PDF , by John Gottman
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, by John Gottman
Free PDF , by John Gottman
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Product details
File Size: 5297 KB
Print Length: 224 pages
Publisher: Rodale Books (February 2, 2016)
Publication Date: February 2, 2016
Sold by: Random House LLC
Language: English
ASIN: B013X9F1JY
Text-to-Speech:
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#25,004 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
I bought this book because I am a woman in a destroyed marriage trying to understand my probably soon-to-be ex-husband better. I’m a scientist and a feminist – someone who would instinctively cringe at a title like “The Man’s Guide to Women.†I bought it mainly because I had read Gottman’s other books on communication in relationships and found those well-researched, reasonable, and helpful – but honestly, I wasn’t expecting as much with this one. I ended up reading it several times over. I would agree wholeheartedly with Gottman’s descriptions of what women want, how women flirt, how women process emotions, how women communicate, and how women feel comforted and loved by their men. The only thing I would disagree with in this book is Gottman's support of "space-maximizing behavior" like manspreading. Noo! Encroaching on my leg space to show your dominance is not attractive, research be damned.On the whole, though, I understand myself better, and I also understand better some deeply painful conflicts I’ve had with my spouse that are apparently extremely common in heterosexual relationships. I understand my man better. As a woman in a failing marriage whose issues with my husband are highlighted throughout (and it goes both ways – Gottman correctly identified my husband’s complaints about me as the most common issues men have with women), my needs and perspective felt validated in this book. If you’ve ever been in a failing relationship, you know those self-doubts – is it mostly me? Am I being unreasonable or crazy asking for this from my partner and my relationship? Ladies, if you are going through a painful and confusing breakup, this is a surprisingly therapeutic book to read, as well as a solid guide on what to look for in your next mate. And men, listen to Gottman. If you have a woman whom you love but you’re stuck at an impasse in your relationship, put your wall down. Try following Gottman’s advice for a month or two. You have nothing to lose but so much to gain, even if your situation with this particular woman doesn’t work out. If you’re a single man who has read this book and you are this “hero†Gottman describes, go forth and spread Gottman's recommendations to your male brethren. And if I’m single in six months, call me!
The lead author has spent decades observing couples and the evolution of their relationships, but appears to step far outside of his comfort zone in a book that purports to explain how to understand, attract, and please women. Some standard facts and good advice are intermingled with advice that borders on alarming, and could point men in the wrong direction. A well-intentioned book thus ends up as misguided and potentially dangerous.On Attracting Women: Readers are advised to take up more physical space with their arms and legs (manspread), and to speak with a deeper voice than usual; I’m surprised the author doesn’t recommend wearing high heels since height is considered attractive. When it comes to conversation, he recommends that men talk about their hobbies in a way that shows social dominance: “if you collect stamps, be the most powerful, high status stamp collector there is.â€On Understanding Women’s Minds: Two thirds of the chapter on this topic is about the emotional changes associated with the menstrual cycle, which seems like quite the missed opportunity to help men understand women. Bizarrely, the author even laments the lost practice from certain "traditional cultures," in which “there was often a place where menstruating women could go to be alone during this time of the month, where they could be relieved of tasks and have time for introspection and reflection.â€On Physical Cues in Sex: “If she is well lubricated... she wants you to enter her… If her vaginal juices spread down her thigh and buttocks, she is deeply satisfied.†Any reader of “Come As You Are†is likely to be deeply alarmed by this. While lubrication is often a sign of arousal, it is far from being an indicator of a specific desire or consent, or a sure-fire sign of deep satisfaction.As someone who has read much other literature on sex and attraction, I get the sense that the author did not, and that he made little effort to complement his research on couples with research on single men attracting women. While the byline includes his spouse and another couple, every single personal anecdote in the book is about the lead male author John Gottman, leaving me to wonder if this was truly a collaborative effort or whether women were added to the byline to give a sense of balance. Given that some of the advice seems to come from a man with a 1960’s view of the world (women should be alone during their periods; men should take up physical space to show their dominance), this book would benefit from a re-write with proper review by women.
My husband wanted this book. And we (together) couldn't be happier with it. Easy to read and straight-forward. My husband is a self-proclaimed, "Non-reader" unless he has to be. He would rather watch a video (which is a good idea too) than spend time reading words from a book. But this has his attention. And he has been reading to me often with the book in hand, his eyes dart upward when he reads something said by Dr. Gottman, as if to check to see it that resonates with me. I nod and smile or say things like "Yep!", "DEAD-ON" or "not always" - things of that nature. We are learning how work even harder on our marriage of 13 years and going. Marriage is hard work. But entirely worth the energy. And this book is helping my "goal-oriented" husband reach for some new insights and work on some areas with me to help strengthen our marriage for the long-haul. I admire my husband MORE because he is taking the time to read this material with me and continue to grow as a man. I adore him for this actually! And definitely would encourage other husbands and wives to grab a copy and read the simple, uncomplicated words written in this book. You may laugh out loud. You might get a bit wide-eyed. And you may find yourselves enjoying the learning curve. We definitely recommend!
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